Ok, so I lied. It’s not just the picture. This is what I refer to as “The Tower of Rot.” Does this happen to anyone else? I just hate wasting food, but sometimes the left overs just get lost in the back of the fridge.  Eventually I suddenly realize the food is no longer edible, and instead appears to be supporting new lifeform. This here picture displays the contents of my fridge after I removed all the inedibles recently. Fridge is now quite empty!

I feel so guilty for wasting; yet pleased at having cleaned out the fridge! I guess it’s all in how you look at it.

Happy WW to those visiting for the first time! Hope you’ll take a look around.

Things have settled down.

My nieces are no longer under my care (they are finishing their vacation at my mom’s house.) In spite of the difficulty with J’s temper tantrums, overall I enjoyed both of my nieces and was glad to have them visit.  I would have even allowed them to stay longer, if not for the fact that my kids have camp this week. (I’d paid for it prior to knowing that my nieces would be coming…)

My dad is out of the hospital. The good news is, they did not find any cancer. The bad news is, they don’t know why his heart rate had dropped below 35 beats per minute, causing him to feel so dizzy and tired, and out of breath.  In spite of nine days in the ICU and endless blood tests, heart tests, and more: they do not know what is wrong with him. Adjusting his medications, however, has been key to stabilizing his heart rate, and so he got to go home at last.

When I visited him, he seemed very weary. We talked only briefly, as my entourage flitted around, requiring a fair amount of my attention. He told me he was considering changing his will to leave cash to my brother, the house to me.  What’s fair, and what I want, does not play into this, and I don’t care what he leaves me, really, as long as he gets it together to make some legal, valid, final will so that I won’t have to battle with his new wife (who grows more annoying the more I get to know her.) When I lose him, I would rather focus my energy on grieving than fighting with the living over material things.

As for my garden, I am grieving about my pumpkin plants. I discovered severe damage to the main vines caused by Vine Borers, these awful fat white grubby things (see yucky picture, right) that eat into the vine, stealing moisture, and nutrients from the plant, and causing the root to rot.  Once I discovered them, I removed the insects (killed them, mercilessly) and hoped against hope that the plant will be able to put down more new roots. However, I expect the plants will die within two weeks. And the three or more pumpkins that were using those vines to get big, will wilt, rot and be lost. Oh so sad!!!

On the other hand, I did harvest a pretty purple eggplant today, a handful of green beans, and a skirt full of basil. Two more cucumbers should soon be ready to pick and eat. My watermelon is now the size of a basketball, and I have three cantaloupes, two softballs, and one about the size of a football. It’s encouraging to see so much fruit coming along.  (The picture to the left is of a Moon And Stars watermelon, and looks about the same as mine, but is not my actual watermelon.)

The deer have broken into the garden quite frequently, so the tomato plants are not likely be giving up any fruit, since the deer chomp it all before it even has a chance.

I have been really debating with myself lately about what the best way to handle my younger niece’s temper tantrums.  This niece, J, is 8 years old, the daughter of one parent whose personality lies somewhere within the autism spectrum and another parent who is severely depressed. She’s the middle child in her family. I’ve observed that she has food issues, self esteem issues, and frequently becomes extremely upset, sometimes in a very irrational way.  At the slightest word that she perceives as a tease or unfair or a threat to something she wants to eat, she sulks, or screams and cries, and has what I would call a temper tantrum.

For example, today we went to an ice cream shop for treats, an unplanned necessity because we were all so unbelievably hot.  At the ice cream shop, there was a water cooler which offered free ice water to the customers. While we sat in the shade, munching our ice cream, one the kids began to get the idea to get a little cup of water and pour it on one’s head to cool off.  Much silliness ensued, with everyone tossing a little water at one another.  At one point, J tossed a cup of ice water straight down the back of my skirt; I retaliated by sprinkling her with water. She sulked and cried, and complained that she didn’t want her shirt to get wet, even though she had been laughing and participating with everyone in the game.  At her response to having been splashed, I called a halt to the game and told everyone that there was to be no further splashing of other people.  A short while later, J complained that she was hot and told me she was mad at me, because she didn’t get to get wet. But, J, I said, you did get wet, see where your shirt still is wet? Remember how you said you were mad at me for splashing you? “No you didn’t” she screamed at me, “nobody got me wet at all!!!” she wailed.

Read on for a detailed description and analysis of this child’s behavior; if you happen to be familiar with some of these behaviors, I really welcome your insights and suggestions. Please leave a comment or contact me via email pann at thisexaminedlife.com. Thanks!

Read the rest of this entry »

I think I maybe could get used to having an entourage. Today I took my two nieces and my two daughters to the Jersey Shore, where they frolicked in the waves, collected seashells galore, and walked the boardwalk taking it all in. For my nieces, it was their first time ever swimming in the ocean.  What a great thing to get to do for and with them. I am no longer Cranky, and I don’t even feel too tired either. The sea kind of heals you, in a funny way.

One on-looker noticed me with my gaggle of girls (ages 11, 8, 7, and 4) and commented: Now there goes a brave person! Yes, I guess some people might find it a little nerve-wracking keeping track of four youngsters at a crowded beach, but in fact I was pretty laid back about it.  The two older girls both know how to swim (but also know that they are not life-guard material yet) and the two younger ones know damn well that they cannot.   Plus a lifeguard was very doggedly keeping an eye on everyone (though it was so crowded it seemed near impossible) and punctuating our swim time with blasts from the whistle.

After we got something to eat for dinner from the cooler bag I’d packed (pasta with home-made pesto and sand; peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and sand; fresh Jersey peaches and sand; juice boxes and sand…) we then got some kick-ass frozen custard on the boardwalk. My eyes kind of popped when I handed over a twenty to pay for the icecream and all I got back for change was fifty cents. Given that, I was darn glad I’d thought to bring food!

Being like many children, the kids were not inclined to eat the crusts of their sandwiches, so we tossed the crumbles to greedy seagulls who would swoop down and catch the treat midair.  After that, we strolled the beach for seashells, and finally headed back to our car, and drove home, listening to the book Heidi on CD in the car.

As days go, this was a good one.

Before I get started on this post, let me just mention that I am really exhausted and really cranky.  And not because of today’s topic of choice, but just because I need to vent my spleen somehow. Now, for the ranting und raving.

I am so sick and tired of hearing about all the crap that’s in everything. It used to be you could drink a bottle of water and eat an apple and think you are making good choices. NOW you find out that the water is contaminated with the freaking plastic in which it was packaged, and apple was sprayed with toxic pesticides, grown with horrid petrochemical fertilizers, and is genetically modified to boot.

You THOUGHT that having a glass of milk was a good healthy beverage, then it turns out that it is not good for you after all.

I am not making much sense, anymore. It’s been that kind of day. This was supposed to be a good healthy rant-a-thon, but looks like I don’t even have it in me to do that. I am Tired, Cranky, and feeling really put out.  I just can’t even think straight.

So just remember these words: No good deed goes un-punished. And I’m sick and tired of being the good deed do-er.

TBH commented that my nieces’ repeated slang (Sweeet! — the antonym of which is Nasty! — and a constant peppering of Ya Know) sounded like it would be cute on the first day, but would annoy the hell out of her by Day 5. Did I give the impression that I found it cute?

Actually it is already annoying as hell, but I am trying to be kind of zen about it.

F seems to think it’s ‘cute’ to do this motor mouth thing, where she just goes on and on and on about nothing, or for example, television shows.

After a while, I interrupted her and abruptly changed the subject. “Wait,” she cried, “I wasn’t done talking about Big Brother!”

“Yeah,” I answered, “But I was done listening.”

But hopefully it didn’t come out in a mean way. She laughed. Earlier in the day, J told me “You’re sooooo nice… like, you never yell!” I know her mom yells at them a lot. I think kids really need to have limits set and then enforced on them; but minus screaming and yelling. If I’m ever yelling or screaming (it happens sometimes) then I know it’s me who needs the time out the most.

I believe my nieces are both starved for real attention. Unfortunately, my own kids seem to be finding it a bit taxing to have their mom’s attention be constantly drawn elsewhere.

And it’s a wee bit taxing on me as well. I am so exhausted. But all in all, Day 1 of my “having four children” experiment was pretty successful. I figure that any mindless hormonal cravings I may feel about having another child will be pretty successfully squelched by then end of the week. Yet there’s something kind of fun and rebellious about walking around with a gaggle of kids. Some of the looks I got in public today were utterly unlike any looks I usually get. Some looks seemed to say, “Doesn’t that lady know what birth control is??” and other people looked at me as if to say, “Aw… how cute… that lady had four daughter, like, in a row… guess she was trying for a boy”.

And guess what!? Somebody actually said “You’ve got your hands full!“

I picked up my nieces from the airport within minutes of when their airplane landed, after cutting in the security line and dodging the resultant dirty looks, only to get to the security checkpoint and to my embarrassment discover that I had a screwdriver in my purse. I carry a screwdriver around sometimes because of my computer repair / consulting work. I never know when one might come in handy. But since I’m basically taking the summer off, I didn’t even realize it was in there. The look that the TSA guard gave me was so accusatory. Like a woman towing two little girls and with no carry-on bags, with a special pass to enter the secured Gate area in order to pick up un-accompanied minors is going to turn out to turn into a terrorist. She asked me if I wanted to take it back to my car. Uh, no, I said, just take it. I have to go pick up some kids.

On our way to the parking garage, F, my 11 year old niece, went on to tell me how she was really nervous at the airport because the threat alert level was Orange. “If it was Red, I’d be so outta here, ya know?” she said.

While I freely admit that I probably insulate myself from the outside world a little too much, I think my nieces are allowed to get immersed in it too much. I don’t think kids should know about things like Threat Alert levels. I think the Threat Alerts are a bunch of bullshit cooked up to keep us nervous, tense, worried. But I didn’t quite come right out and say so to F.

They have funny speech habits. F says “ya know” all the time. They call soda “pop”, and my 8 year old niece, J, says “Sweet!” constantly. It’s these funny little affectations that come with pop culture, I guess.

My pumpkin plant is huge, and I have several little baby pumpkins on the vine! Whoo Hoo!

I have three watermelon plants on the watermelon vines.

I have so far harvested three nice cucumbers, and there are quite a few more also developing.

There’s a pretty purple eggplant growing longer each day.

I lost about a half dozen plum tomatoes due to the Breaking and Entering Deer whose appetite for tomato is quite impressive.  However, we repaired the deer fence, and my plucky tomato plant is trying again with some new blossoms.  We’ll see if they survive.

My green bean plants have yielded about two dozen green beans so far.

A tall sunflower in the corner of the garden is getting ready to bloom.

The marigolds surround the garden and are thriving and beautiful.

All told, it’s a great garden! I am so psyched.

My nieces arrive at the airport tomorrow.

I am going nuts thinking of the zillion things I want to do to be “ready” before their arrival.

Just to relieve my own anxiety and to illustrate how insane I really am, I am going to make a list. Right here. Right now.

In no particular order, today I need to:

• Paint the hallway upstairs so it doesn’t look like an abandoned tenement
• Touch up the wall in my bathroom where there was a water leak that messed up my nice green wall
• Do the Weed Whacker thing on my front lawn and sidewalk grass
• Trim my wild-n-crazy hedges
• Wash, dry, and put away about 8 loads of laundry
• Do meal planning and go grocery shopping accordingly
• Clean the cat boxes
• Clean the hamster cage
• Clean the kitchen
• Tidy up the living room and dining room
• Mop all the floors in the first floor
• Clean out the front porch and the back deck
• Plus, of course, make the meals and such for my kids

To do even half of this, of course, I probably need to wear a mask and cape and gain super human power.  I guess I’ll just need to prioritize a little!

Wish me luck.