I hate it when things just sit, unresolved. Could be something minor, major, doesn’t matter, but if it just sits on the back burner, and I have to keep track of it, it just really bugs me.

Right now, there are a bunch of unresolved issues. The one that weighs on me worst is this work situation, and I’m not even comfortable writing about it here, in the moderately anonymous forum of my personal blog. It is unsettling at best. I feel like I’m carrying a weight around, and it just goes on and on.

Another weight: we’re being sued by the city for failing to file taxes. The same ones that we’d paid an accountant $600 to file. Um. It’s not clear if they were filed, it’s confusing as hell. To make things worse, D had to re-do the taxes because they were done wrong. D fixed them, and I am going to deliver them in person tomorrow, trying to find my way through the city’s offices to see where to get the revised forms submitted. So that they can allow us to not have to appear in court. And drop the $5000 punitive fee. Sigh. I am nervous about this, as I don’t know what I am doing exactly. It’s an adventure, I suppose.

Another one: My dad apparently lost a lot of money from his investments, money that he was counting on for living expenses. He still gets social security, and a pension, but it’s hard living on those fixed incomes. He is re-doing his will (this is a good thing) and wants to know whether he should leave me his house, or leave it to both my brother and myself, and have us just sell it and split the proceeds. I think that given the economy now, having the house stay in the family longer would be better: why sell it when the market is so awful anyway? Of course we don’t know WHEN the Time will Come, so who knows on that anyway.

But yeah, we want the house, say D and I, and my dad is going to get his papers in order. Hope he does it.

Things get so ugly and awful when people die without putting their estate into order first.

Speaking of such things, I don’t have a will. That is bad, too. Anyone with kids should have a will, with contingencies and information, and what would happen IF Something Bad Occurs. Another unresolved thing.

All of this makes me want to hide under the blankets with a few cats and just escape.

Last night I played a card game here at home with D and Cammy, got a little silly. There was wine. It was fun, and relaxing. A brief escape from feeling so overwhelmed, tired, defeated by the world. Of course, today, it’s back to reality and I keep thinking how nice it would be to escape again.

I’m in a weird place right now. I have this crisis going on with work but I feel like I can’t really write about it here. I am only thinly veiled in anonymity and I wouldn’t want this blog to end up on the wrong people’s monitors.

My mood is so-so, and I have a bad cold. My drippy nose and low energy levels are not helping with the crisis.

My sense of support around the crisis is somewhat minimal.

UGH. Sniff.

I am so glad today is Friday. I am feeling really down, and I don’t really have any particular reason why.

Just feel all heavy and wiped out and pointless. I realized that I have an all-day work day on Monday — when the school where I work is closed but it is part of my job to provide childcare from 8:30 AM to 6 PM. These days are long. They are tiring, for me and for the kids I care for, including my own.

Carla isn’t going to be there all day, though, because D is taking her to see a specialist. She’s reached the age of “it’s time to consider what to do.” Her issues are mainly relating to the way that she is able, or not able, to pay attention. We’ve met with our pediatric nurse practitioner, who is wonderful. The nurse agrees with our assessments, and with Carla’s teacher’s assessment that Carla almost certainly has ADHD.

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a poorly named disorder. If you aren’t familiar with it, it sounds like a label for kids who have ants in their pants, and don’t ever pay attention to anything. You know, those lazy kids who just spaz out all the time.

That’s certainly not the case. Sometimes ADHD has hyperactivity as a symptom, and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes there are kids who can’t ever focus on anything, but not always. It’s really a cluster of symptoms, relating to one’s attention and activity levels, but it really does vary from case to case.

In Carla’s case, she has what they call the “inattentive” variety. This doesn’t really sound right either, since when she wants to, she is GREAT at being attentive. She can focus for hours and hours on something that she’s passionate about– say, making incredible art, or reading a whole book that she likes. She loves writing and will do that in a focused and determined way. But when something is the kind of task she’s NOT interested in, well, then — yeah, she’s a total space cadet.

Her mind is busy doing something else. It’s kind of like when you’re using a computer, and you KNOW you just clicked on something, but apparently the computer wasn’t ready to do what you asked. That’s how Carla gets — she just doesn’t respond sometimes. And it’s not easy to re-boot her, either!

“Huh? What?” she might say, coming back to reality, touching down from her little world of her own mind. “I spaced out,” she’ll admit. She even went so far as to tell me that spacing out is her super power.

In a way, she’s absolutely right. People with ADHD often have the ability to do INCREDIBLE things. They have a tendency to be bright, engaged, interesting, creative, and when they turn that super power focus to the “ON” position, well then: WHAMMY! What amazing success comes from that!

Unfortunately, life often contains things that don’t automatically trigger her WHAMMY attention. She might not be that interested in the math lesson — either she’s already mastered it or maybe just doesn’t care. Whatever the case is, she tunes out and misses a lot of stuff as a result.

Her teacher sees this happening even more when Carla is doing some class work with a partner– her partner is already finished and she’s just finally starting to put pencil to paper.

So anyway, we’re on to the investigation phase of what can we do to help Carla. I don’t think it’s easy– but there are routine, behavioral things that we do to help her and then there’s the medication route. Unfortunately, she’s anti-meds. Because they taste yucky.

It is hard being a parent.

Carla also has a problem with bed-wetting. She’s 8 and a half. She’s getting BIG. To still be wetting the bed these days is really getting to her. It’s every damn, night, too. I would be lying if I said I don’t mind washing sheets every day. She’s too big to wear a pull up– even the “deluxe” kinds that are supposed to be so great for big kids.

Her appointment on Monday is for the bed-wetting issues, but I think it all ties into the ADHD. People with ADHD have something different about the way their brain is “wired.” I believe that when she is asleep, her brain’s attention to body signal is pretty much zilch. That is my theory as to why she wets the bed: because her brain is somewhere ELSE.

I wish I could go to this appointment with her, but I am confident that D will be extremely competent at asking the right questions, getting good information. He is really on the ball, and understands Carla’s attention issues quite well. Nevertheless, I do wish I could be there.

As usual, writing has helped me somewhat. When I started this post, I just felt really dreary and dreadful. I am still down, but I feel a little bit better. (If people were to leave me little nice comments, that would help, too. Hint. Hint.)

I’m a teacher, only I don’t have to teach all that complicated stuff like where do babies come from, and how did the world get here in the first place. Of course, if I was asked to teach such delicate and apparently controversial matters, I’d be only too glad to check all the facts, and find appropriate books for children to learn all about the science behind such things. I’d be interested in seeing what theories were supported by fossils, and layers of the earth, and astronomy and all that sort of thing.

Instead, I am focusing on teaching kids how to unwind after a busy day at school, how to bake cookies, muffins, or pizza, or how to sew a pillow, or how to make an origami fortune teller, or encourage dramatic play, or, or, or, or. You get the idea. I’m the After School Director — and it’s my job to see that the kids are safe and comfortable until their parents are able to pick them up. And at the wonderfully crunchy school where I teach, I don’t think anyone would even think about teaching so-called “Creationism.”

I was so appalled today to read the following:

An avid hunter and self-described “hockey mom,” Palin, 44, is beloved by conservatives for her strong opposition to abortion and her support of teaching creationism in school.

Republicans also rallied around Palin when she was attacked by pundits for failing to put her family first, given that she has a four-month-old son with Down syndrome and her unmarried, 17-year-old daughter is pregnant.

Ok, when did Republican come to mean “doesn’t believe in science anymore”? I mean, really? And if Republicans are so against having the government be big and control people’s freedoms, why is that they want to limit what a woman chooses to do? And to make people’s kids be forced to learn some religious bullship in place of science? And what’s with this pitbull woman who cares more about unborn embryos than about what happens to kids after they are born?

Being a mom of two children, and teacher to many more, I know how much kids really yearn for someone to listen, lead, and share with them so much of every day life. And I remember fondly how completely having an infant filled up my days and nights. It wasn’t that I didn’t have a career (I did, and continued to work even as milk would sometimes trickle down my blouse — s’cuse me!). It wasn’t that I was someone whose only interest in life was to care for my infant. It just really takes a lot of work to raise a baby. My babies didn’t have “special needs” but they did need my special loving attention, practically 24/7. Even if I wasn’t with them, my body sure know what it was supposed to be doing.

So, If Palin is so gosh-darned happy to be a hockey mom, why would she want to move to Washington, D.C.? The hockey is certainly not so choice there. When does she plan to pump milk for her baby? Or does she even bother now? Apparently, she isn’t much concerned about the welfare of her children once they leave the womb. Or maybe her preggo teenage daughter can just quit school and be the new mom of the house, it’s good practice and all.

Meanwhile, she’s so proud of her daughter’s DECISION to have a baby! Guess what? There’d be no DECIDING if Mommy had her way with the country, right? All the preggo teenagers would just up and marry their boyfriends and fill the world with little cherubs for our social services system to help care for. Too bad those same social services are being run down, de-funded, and dismantled by the Republicans. Of course, the number of teen moms will only go up and up, since Abstinence Only Education leaves teens in the dark about how to protect themselves should hormones ever cloud their judgment about sex. But really, who ever heard of teens having bad judgment? That’s just crazy talk!

So. Science? Out the window. Facts? That’s history! Real Education? Bah! Don’t be ridiculous!!

Tomorrow is my first day of After School. I think I’ll teach the kids about what we can do to save the unicorns from becoming extinct.

I’ve been a little reluctant to post a new post after that sweet, sweet letter that D wrote me. I just kept coming back to my blog and re-reading it. I know that I am loved. I will be fine. We’ll get through, it, whatever it may be.

Yet life and its insecurities rage on. I don’t know if it’s safe to write about using illegal drugs on one’s blog, no matter how anonymous it is (and this one’s not all that successful at anonymity!) So I am only going to say this: that if I were to be the sort of gal who enjoys a puff or two of a relaxing kind of smoke from time to time when the kiddos are safely put away on their shelves, then now would be a pretty good time to seek such relaxation.

In fact, D and I are both pretty anxious right now. I hadn’t mentioned this before (probably because of denial, shame, or whatever) but we’re being sued by the lovely city of brotherly love. It’s because apparently our accountant made a mistake on our 2001, or maybe it was our 2002, tax returns. It seems that our city taxes were not filed, or not filed properly.

Since I’m someone whose eyes glaze over and ears seemed stuffed with fluff whenever taxes are discussed, I honestly don’t fully get what happened, or when, or why. I just know that our tax situation requires that a (new) professional accountant deal with it. In order to avoid the $5000 fine and being required to appear at a hearing, the city requires that we file (or re-file, if it was filed) no later than three days before the hearing. If we do, the hearing’s cancelled, the $5000 fine is avoided.

The hearing is August 11. When we’re in upstate NY on vacation. Talking to the accountant’s office today, he said they’d get right to it and work on our taxes. Um… please hurry the fuck up, ok? I mentioned to the clerk I spoke with that there’s this little $5000 fine we’re trying to avoid, and the little lawsuit we’re trying to have dropped… and the best he could say is that they’re going to get started on it right away.

Anxiety much? Now you can understand why I might just be interested in something that might take the edge off. Ease the freak-out a little.

I am also anxious about packing for our vacation (remember my little problem with packing for a ONE NIGHT STAY recently? Well how’s about a two week trip to the middle of nowhere NY where you have to drive 30 miles to get anywhere civilized?) I am perhaps equally anxious about preparing for next year and working as the after school teacher at this wonderful little school. It’s like being pregnant in a way. You get to this point where you suddenly remember OH SHIT! I’M GOING TO GIVE BIRTH! AM I READY FOR THIS?

The fact is I am NOT ready. I am far from ready. I also am not feeling ready for the simple daily life functions of getting my kids up daily, dressed, fed and out the door to go to school on time each day. I am not ready to pay my business bills, either. I really need to do much more, or else face serious consequences.

It’s also 11:52 AM and I am not ready to feed my kids their lunch today. I didn’t get them an adequate breakfast, yet, either, though they both ate something.

And here I am just lolling in anxiety to the point where I wonder if it would be a good idea to take part in some kind of relaxing herbal refreshment (what my pals and I sometimes called it when we were teens).

I need to get my shit together. Perhaps the first thing to do is get dressed and go buy some food. I’ll need some snacks later on if I go with the whole herbal refreshment plan, anyway.

I had an anxiety dream about my job that starts in the fall. In my dream, the school year had begun, and I forgot to show up to work. Instead, I tried just picking up my kids and going home. I was greeted by all the kids there at school, who were all hungry and tired from their first day of school. What’s for snack? was the constant refrain. It was then I realized that I was supposed to be their after school teacher.

And I’d kind of forgotten to prepare for that, as I also forgot to show up to the job. I rooted then through the pantry, trying to find some snacks left over from camp. Then I tried to get the kids to do some kind of activity. The hostility from the older kids was intense. They rolled their eyes at me, walked out of the room, snickering behind their hands. It was awful.

When I woke up from this, my heart was beating kind of fast. I realized with a jolt that the summer is halfway gone. What am I doing this summer, I asked myself? My life is so disorganized. I have no structure. I am not taking care of business, and I’m not getting this place ship-shape. I am not planning ahead for the fall.

That dream was a wake-up call. I need to get myself in order. But I feel really stuck, paralyzed. I don’t know what I can do to get out of this feeling of trying to move a mountain. I am just able to get to OT appointments and provide three meals (sometimes just two) to the kids each day.

This is not an easy place to be, mentally. I feel really stuck.

Today was Monday.

I keep forgetting that, though. Somewhere over the weekend, I realized that summer is really here at last. So begins what kind of feels like an eternal weekend. There is no school. There is no After School. There is no childcare.

Plus, Cammy is off in Florida doing wild-n-crazy schtuff to celebrate reaching age 21. Plus visiting her mom, and sisters. She’ll be back within 3 weeks, so it’s not that dire or anything.

But anyway, here am I suddenly — going from the high intensity of running camp for two weeks, to the completely different world of being here. And I have no childcare.

I am not a stay at home mom. I never have identified myself that way. I think it’s more apt to say that now that it’s summer it’s my kids who stay at home. Although that is not strictly accurate either.

Today Annie had her first session of occupational therapy, thus beginning a sixty day treatment period, in which she’ll have about three sessions each week. Her therapy is located about 40 minutes away from home (by car). Annie is healthy and developmentally advanced for her age in many ways, but for one. She seems to be a bit delayed in developing her fine motor skills. This is mostly showing up in the way that she grasps a pencil: with her hand in a fist, rather than with her pointer and thumb working together in a tripod.

While she’s quite talented at drawing with this grasp, it’s something of a red flag. Upon getting her evaluated, I was surprised to learn that her “core strength” and “upper body strength” are in need of development. This “laxity” as they call it is one of the reasons that she is so darn flexible (she can put her foot behind her head!).

Luckily the therapy began in the summer: I can’t imagine how I’d ever manage to do this during the school year! It is also reassuring that the therapy is really pretty fun for Annie. I watched today as she got to swing in a big inner tube (working on balance and core body strength), roll on an exercise ball, and color with special shorty crayons. Her therapist was positive and friendly and good at establishing rapport.

Thus begins my summer. I will also be taking my kids to swimming lessons. And I’ll be working in our corner of a community garden, which over the last few weekends Drob and I worked very hard to get started. We still have a good deal of space to add things to, and I’m still in the dreamy phase of “what ELSE is fun to grow” even though at this point, I don’t think I’ll start too much more by seed. Maybe some cukes if the ones I put in two weekends ago still look sad and pathetic. I may have started them (indoors) too early and waited to long to put them in the ground.

Oh yeah, and of course I have a lot of catching up to do with the business that I still run. Clients still send me updates for their websites, and I still have to send out invoices for web hosting and other services, and call people back when they have a question or two. Making return phonecalls is one of the worst challenges, now that the kids are home from school. I just despise making phonecalls when I will be interrupted by squeaky lil ones. I feel terribly unprofessional when that happens, so I often don’t call people back.

Instead, I try to address their message by responding via email. This is not always possible, naturally. I would not be able to do this if the reason for their call is that their email is down. Hah!

Meanwhile, there’s a ton of catching up to do around the old homestead where laundry and dishes and grocery shopping fell completely by the wayside during the two weeks of frenzied day camp activities.

Summer is here, oh yes. Time to relax, garden, do bookkeeping, pay bills, wash clothes, do dishes, cook and clean, mop floors, clean catboxes, organize children’s rooms, generate invoices, go to occupational therapy, and swim lessons, and update client websites.

Summer… that time of year when there’s just nothing to do but sleep late and laze about the house drinking iced tea and eating little cucumber sandwiches.

The whole middle of my body, from somewhere near my ribs down to my belly button feels like its filled with some kind of heavy, dangerous substance. I have to hold myself steady to keep it from tipping out of my in some way. My hair is screwed onto my head. My arms are clenched and ready. My eyes are weary but wary. My heart feels like it is doing a loop-dee-lou, racing around, while I wonder if I should sit or stand, walk or lay down, write this blog post or make a list of things to do.

Anxiety.

I am anxious about the camp I’m supposed to teach in just a few short days. I am not prepared at all. I don’t have the materials for it yet. I don’t have the snacks. I don’t even have all the activities planned. In fact, a lot of people who’d expressed interest in going to camp are now saying their kid won’t come. So I don’t even know if this is going to work for the school, as in financially. Which was a condition of offering the damn camp in the first place.

I have to confess I really don’t think I want to do this. I am really afraid of failing. I’m afraid it will go badly, and then I could really not get the job for next year.

The Personnel Committee has still not met with me to discuss anything about next year; the staff didn’t say peep, either. So day to day (and this is the last week of school: TWO days left of me teaching after school), I am unsure about my future. Will I have this job in the fall? Are they waiting to see if I do well in the camp program before considering me for the job?

They could just decide to tell me that they aren’t going to re-hire me for next year and that they’re doing a new job search and I need not apply. That’s how unsure I feel. That’s how anxious. Pit of Tension in stomach, lump in throat.

AND YET. And yet, tonight I went to the eighth grade graduation ceremony, which was incredibly sweet. I cried a little for each and every graduate, out of the feelings of love so evident in the comments of the parents, friends and staff. This school really is wonderful in so many ways. It feels more like a church than a school; it’s a community of people who share certain values and work together to raise their kids into beautiful people.

The graduation ceremony left NO ONE out. I even got a rose! I was SO shocked to be appreciated publicly, not just once, but twice! One of the parents took great care to acknowledge the after school teachers (3 of them, including me, who ran the program during her children’s time at the school) and to recognized each by name and to thank each of us for giving her kids a safe and comfortable home after school.

And then there was a part of the ceremony where the graduates gave a rose to each current staff member, even office staff, and spoke a sentence or two about the contributions and efforts of each member. Including me. Yes, including me. I was so touched to be included.

I’d been sitting there, in the back row, with tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed with emotion about all the love these kids are surrounded by. When suddenly I heard my name — and was so surprised. I did NOT see it coming at all. It was clear to me that even though it’s been only a few short weeks, I am making an impact on the lives of kids and their families. To be appreciated publicly? That is such an unusual feeling for me– usually I feel I am on the outside looking in, or else hidden from view. Ignored or overlooked, or generally taken for granted.

In spite of the kindness and the inclusion of today, I also sat there watching the other teachers. I sat alone. They all had each other. They are a group, and I am not really a part. They are full time, while my job is part time. They all have staff meetings together: I can’t go to the meetings most of the time, since I am watching the kids in after school. My personality doesn’t do well with feeling left out — I am just not quite secure enough for that.

Plus, apparently with all the people around, I got distracted and must have left the window open in the room where I teach, because one of the lead teachers kind of scolded me about it just before graduation. The school wasn’t empty when I left it to walk over to the other building where graduation was taking place — and this must have distracted me from doing my usual doors and windows check. Figures that the one day I forget, this particularly strong teacher would notice and take the time and energy at graduation to scold me. It left my stomach feeling, well, like it does now.

I’m filled with dread. Do I get to keep this job or not? It is so hard being left in the dark on this issue, with the ambiguity continuing and continuing. And every day that I work in the job, I’m trying to do a good job but I’m also so nervous. I feel like I’m being watched and judged. And camp is the final exam.

There’s so much going on, I want to scream. There are end-of-year potlocks to prepare for, and when will I do that? I have from 9:30 am tomorrow morning, until about 2 PM when I have to head to work to: prepare for two potlocks, buy supplies for camp, buy snacks for camp, plus take care of the usual things I have to take care of. I am overwhelmed and miserable.

And I don’t even know if I’m wanted for this job for next year!

And I’m working for two weeks from 9 am to 5:30 pm FOR NO ADDITIONAL PAY even though I have NO ACTUAL OBLIGATION TO DO SO. But I feel I was pressured into it: If I didn’t do it, they’d have even more reason to NOT re-hire me for next year. So I am trying to be good, and do it, and do it well, and cope and manage it all.

Pit of tension. Super pit.

They Love Me. They Love Me Not. They Love Me. They Love Me Not. Well, what is it?

In spite of the difficulties, I do love my job.

Nevertheless, on days like today, when it’s warm but not hot, and the ground is nice and moist from yesterday’s rain, I would normally have had the leisure time to do some gardening after picking the girls up from school. I would normally be able to be there for them, to get C to do her homework after school, and to get together some dinner for them at a reasonable hour.

This doesn’t happen too well if I am not home after school! I miss being able to cuddle and hang out with my kids in the afternoon. I miss having that extra time at home when I am not scheduled to be working.

It suddenly dawned on me this week that I have two jobs now. Well, three, if you count “Mom” as a job title. No wonder I am feeling kind of overwhelmed. I was struggling to get things done before I was working in the afternoons and early evening. Now I have even less time to do my freelance / business keeping — and it shows. The bookkeeping is in an atrocious state.

There are bills unpaid, late fees, work unbilled… It is not good.

I feel stretched and sad and I’m second guessing myself. Should I really take on this job as After School teacher? Is it worth it? Is my family’s loss of my time and energy in the afternoons and evenings worth the pay I get from teaching? Does my own personal satisfaction with the work make up for the fact that I miss my old life?

I think it does. It is just so hard to adjust. I keep reminding myself that summer is nearly here. Then I’ll have dropped to one fewer job and I will be able to garden and play and cuddle and cook. And work on my business bookkeeping.

EDIT: I want to clarify that the teacher I spoke to about as close to a supervisor as any one else at this school, where co-operative values indicate that the staff work together through a consensus and there is no principal. Also it was depression talking when I said “hate”. The teacher never used that word: she just said that the kids didn’t like me and felt like I came across as angry at them too easily and when they were not expecting it. She also said that I “replaced a teacher that they liked…” which implies, to me, that they *don’t* like me. She wasn’t sure if they disliked me personally, or if they just felt like they were suddenly stuck with a program where it was great for little kids but not for them.

I agree, with the gist of the comments: Shock! Middle schoolers who don’t like a new authority figure! The worst bit about this piece of feedback is how late it was in the coming. Now they’ve had it in their minds (and yes, there’s a lot of conforming to one another) that they don’t like me or After School. It is hard to change that, but I have to try.

At this school, these middle school kids apparently like all the OTHER teachers… just not the new one (me.) Who happens to be the mother of a “little kid” (second grader).

— end EDIT —

Here I am, the night before Mother’s Day.

My house is a mess.

I have two hours worth of cleaning at my daughter’s school that I have to do before the weekend is up.

My mom is coming to visit tomorrow morning, and sleeping over tomorrow night.

I have mother’s day presents for my mom, and mother-in-law: but the catch is I haven’t planted the flowers in the hanging pots I bought yet.

I just put my kids to bed about 10 minutes ago (yes, wow, that’s awfully late for them, isn’t it. Hmmm…)

I just started a brand new anti-depressant and I am on the lookout for brain zaps.

I met with a teacher that works at the school where I work just this morning to review how my job has been going. She was a kind of emissary from the rest of the staff who’d had a meeting and voiced their concerns and comments about my job performance so far. I found out that a) I’ve been showing up to work at the wrong time b) there are rules about the kids’ limits that nobody had bothered to tell me and c) it turns out that the fifth graders all hate me and hate going to after school. That was hard.

Of course, it’s not all bad with my job. The younger kids adore me (that’s the kindergarteners, the first graders, second graders, and third graders. The fourth graders are not quite sure. The seventh and eighth graders get along with me ok. It’s those damn middle school kids. The ones who pout and roll their eyes and won’t talk to me. They won’t tell me what they want to do but they also don’t like anything I suggest. The only thing they like is sitting together on the bench and chatting. I let them do that. They like that, but otherwise they hate me.

So: grades K-3: I’m great. 4: I’m not sure. 5-6: They hate me. 7-8: They like me. My feelings are a little hurt, but I am trying to rally myself to just keep trying. I’ll talk to the teachers of the kids who hate me and ask them for advice. Wonder what they do to not be hated by these pugnacious tweens with attytood.

As I go around cleaning here and there, thither and yon tonight, I have one thing on my mind. It’s the pouty face of the tween girl in my after school program most weeks. What can I do to get through to her?