(Artemisia: You asked for it, you got it!)

I was reading ConsciousMom.net, a personal blog that also discusses environmental and political issues (among other things) and from there, followed this link. It’s an interactive survey that lets you get an idea for how your personal lifestyle affects the planet.

I consider myself somewhat green — I recycle as much as I can (with the systems available to me), buy local and organic stuff (though not always),  and I don’t drive all that far. But I was surprised to learn that even my organic-fair-trade coffee is still having a negative impact on the environment.

A big surprise, though, was finding out that adding another person to my household (Cammy) seemed to have a good impact environmentally. This makes sense. If you are sharing your home with more people, then you are sharing resources that would other have to be duplicated elsewhere. If Cammy lived on her own, there would be an apartment, say, that needed to be heated and maintained for the benefit of only one person. Instead, we’re housing more of us for the same amount of heating resources.

So it’s another way that Cammy is having a good impact on the world.

I keep thinking, as I read the blogs of other people, that life is harder for families in which  parents are living isolated from the support of relatives. When people live more communally, they can share resources, and pool their energy. Helping one another eases stress, uses fewer resources, and grows greater family bonding.

Yet many people that I’ve talked to about this have expressed surprise that our situation is so much to our liking. I’ve heard from more than one mom I know that it’s hard for them to imagine having to share their personal space with anyone else than they already do. I suppose this is a part of our culture, and each individual’s personality.

In my community, I am also part of a couple of parenting networks, which provide a sense of this connection. In a big way, I’ve seen how different families coordinating their efforts (for events, potlucks, and babysitting) can really enrich family life. Having someone living in your home with you is really like an extension of that.

I’m starting to really appreciate how nice it must be for those living in “intentional communities”, communes, and kibbutzes. On the other hand, wasn’t it Sartre who wrote that Hell is other people? When I think about how many people out there I dislike (snob that I am!) I also realize that the other side of the communal living coin is that getting along isn’t always easy.

As time goes by, and our planets resources continue to be abused, there will be less to go around. Perhaps now might be a good time for families to seek out other families that they can at least tolerate, and forge friendships and alliances that will aid in the group’s survival. I would love to think that by sharing my home, I’m not only helping myself and Cammy (while she’s helping us!) but also helping the planet.

It’s a good feeling.

According to the statistics that Google Analytics offers me, I have had some international visitors, which is very exciting. The majority of visitors here are in the USA, with a few others tuning in from Canada. It’s wonderful to have visitors at all, but I especially would like to reach out today to anybody who either lives away from mainstream USA (either in their minds or otherwise) or else lives in a different part of the planet than USA.

I want to talk about BODY HAIR. Specifically, women’s body hair. I personally do not value shaving my legs or armpits. I don’t see the point in it. Why shave my legs at all? If I did, why not also my arms, indeed everywhere? Is there something inherently offensive about the fact that hair grows on the legs and underarms? Is it offensive on the arms too? Not to mention, the “bikini zone” and eyebrows and well, you get the idea.

Now, please, don’t get upset, all you happy shavers out there. If you shave just because you like how it looks and feels, that is fine with me. I am not saying you should stop. I just don’t get it myself. Why is hairlessness “normal”? I think the normal should be what happens without any particular effort.

Then again, I don’t much wear makeup either. Or do much to my hair other than brush and put it up as needed to keep it out of my face.

I guess you could call me a non-conformist. But I also get insecure about my body hair from time to time, and then if it gets to much to bear (bare?) I do in fact shave.  Then I almost always regret it, and feel annoyed at all the growing-back itchiness and bristle.

Some people I know only shave in the summer. That make some sense: some must figure that hairless legs look nice but why bother if it’s winter and you’re in pants all the time anyway.

And the issue of shaving isn’t just limited to women’s needs.  You’re sure to find plenty of marketing that tells manfolk how they can improve themselves — even make their manly parts look larger — by shaving. Some of the marketing materials on this site, for example, had Drob and I in stitches.

All this is to say, here I go to Florida, day after tomorrow. I won’t be in my winter clothes for a week.  I made it through the whole past summer in all my hairy glory.  Why should I shave now?  I have no one to impress. Drob doesn’t mind my hair one bit, in fact, it’s the scratchy part of growing it out that annoys him. My leg hair is long, sure, but it’s soft. It doesn’t bother me or him. If I shave it would bother both of us.  Plus I don’t want to model shaving to my kids. I don’t want them to think about this issue at all for at least another 5 years, when C hits puberty and has peers who are talking about it.

So… why do you shave? Do you ever wish you didn’t “have to”? Have you ever considered going against the cultural norm?  Or do you live somewhere where the cultural norm doesn’t tell you that having hairy legs is bad? If you live somewhere like that, how’s the food? Should I move there?

Oh, and my eyes are still miserable. I will be visiting the doctor tomorrow if I don’t see improvement in the morning. Bleah.

I just booked tickets for me and the girls to go visit my dad the first week of the new year. D and I discussed it, and he’s ok with staying home; with so much on his plate, the thought of taking a week off is more stressful than delightful. The timing is just not good for him right now, so the girls and I are going to go it alone.

Because we can.

Because he’s not doing that great.

Because I want my kids to get a chance to see their grand-daddy before he’s gone.

Because I want to get him to work on his will.

Because Fort Myers is really, really beautiful.

Because I don’t care how bad I look in a swimsuit right now… I love the sea and it loves me.

Because if not now, then when will be good?

And finally, because I had to think of something to do with the large checks my parents each gave me for Christmas. I thought and thought… not wanting more “stuff” … not wanting to just pay bills (though that would be practical!) … not wanting to just have it be a fraction of some home repair… so this seems the wisest way to use the money.

Sure, I could have saved a bunch of money by just going by myself to visit my dad, but that wouldn’t be nearly so fun. I need my kids with me, because they will bring me joy and happiness even when my dad depresses the shit out of me. And they may not have another opportunity to visit with my dad, since his health seems so poor. Besides, C and A would be furious with me if I left them out!

This year’s Christmas is planned as a HOME holiday. That’s unusual for us. Thanksgiving found us visiting my mom, but not D’s large extended family gathering, so it was quiet for us. Now this? We’re getting together with D’s parents and uncle and a couple of cousins, but in a small gathering and here in our home city. It’s so relaxed that we haven’t even chosen an exact date or time yet.

Being home for holidays is something I’ve longed for; and yet now that I’m peering toward the prospect of this actually happening, I feel like a ship with no rudder. What will we actually do? I am relieved of the responsibilities that usually stress me out: pleasing my mother; appeasing my father, and being nice to my step-mother, or greeting my aunt and her husband in an awkward family get-together where I’m the only one not really praying fervently before dinner.

Not being required to react and survive and get through the holiday is leaving a heck of a vacuum. When’s dinner? What’ll we eat? When will we open presents? How will we do this holiday? Should we make turkey (I don’t like turkey!) or ham? (Anyone know where I can get a good free range local ham?) What do I tell me kids this holiday is about again? Should we get all Solstice happy and claim we’re beckoning the spirits of whatever to get us through the cold winter season and bring spring and light back to us again?

How should I know?? I just usually do whatever the authority figure in my life wants me to do each holiday. Go here. Do this. Clean that. Eat this. Visit this church. Blah, blah, blah.

I’m free from all that. I am home for my holiday. We have our live Christmas tree with its kitty cat topper and cheery stockings hung by the fire with care. But how to actually celebrate the holiday? I don’t really know what I’m doing. And, um, it’s less than a week away.

I guess I’ve been in denial about the approach of this holiday. D pointed out to me recently that his great grandma, his parents, his uncle and his two cousins (and that’s all! not so many people, right?) would all be joining us for family holiday sharing… which means they will be giving US presents. Which means… we should be giving them presents. HOW could I have been so blind to this obvious fact?

This fact got me thinking about the fact that my brother and his family will likely ALSO be sending us presents so we should be sending them, yup, presents. Why am I only thinking about this now, what, five days before Christmas? Am I that oblivious?

Panic? Who me?

I’m thinking FAST. I am hatching some plans. I can still be gracious even if I am disorganized and not so flush with cash.

I am going to make some homemade biscotti and give them as presents, along with some fabulous fair trade coffee, and /or fruit. I’ve got a pair of movie tickets (that don’t expire; a re-gift) which I’ll mail to my brother and his wife. I picked up a cute book for my nephew, and I think I’ll go with a couple gift cards for my nieces. I also found (ok, trash picked, but he doesn’t have to know this) a large bound collection of X-Men comic books which I think my brother will especially enjoy.

I’ll mail my dad a biscotti & coffee care package. Great-grandma will enjoy biscotti in a gift basket with lovely organic hand creme and hand soap.

So the presents should work out okay, but I’m still not sure what to do. Make a lot of food, yeah, that’s it. Cookies. Christmas Cake. Whoopie Pies. Greens. Hoppin’ John. And remind my kids how much I love them, and how christmas is all about love. That ought to do, right?

And the only other question is: how will I manage to do all that I want to do? Especially when my kitchen is SUCH a huge mess? (again!)

This week, one of our neighbors must have gone on a major de-cluttering spree. She put out a tons of stuff on the curb to be collected by the garbage man. Oh Happy Trash-picking Day!

We selected several books, both children’s and other fiction. We got a copy of Stuart Little and The Trumpet of the Swan, both classic and wonderful children’s books.  We got a few Dr. Seuss books — ones I hadn’t seen before.  Also some sci-fi and a book on gardening, and one about the rainforest.

There were a number of old board games, which we left behind.  We did bring home a set of GO stones and a board (see picture, below), a battered (dirty !) winnie the pooh (A insisted on taking it… so I will be tossing it in the washing machine soon…) and also a step ladder. There was a playpen, a huge stuffed armchair, and a dresser, too, but we weren’t interested in those.

While this collecting of free stuff isn’t good from the perspective of either simplifying our lives, or decluttering our house, it sure is fun.

Here’s a glimpse of what my kids were doing today…

… yes, in their pajamas. It was the kind of day where getting dressed was optional. Bliss!

Tonight I was supposed to hop on a train to center city, meet up with D, and attend his company’s annual holiday party.  Each year they throw a nice bash for their employees, with good food, an open bar, and loud music.  Usually D and I find this once-a-year event a nice outlet for juvenile behaviors that we otherwise have generally left behind.

The babysitter was lined up, no problems there. We even arranged that Grandma could have the kids stay over at her house overnight, leaving us free to stay out very late and act foolish and irresponsible indeed.

But the truth is, I sure didn’t feel like doing any of that.  I was not in the mood for crowds, making social chit chat, drinking mojitos (and I love mojitos usually, especially free ones, I mean really!) and carrying on and all that.  I think I remember last year there was a spontaneous rap war breaking out among the geeks in the IT department. Ah, the hilarity of the company party plus open bar.

Yes, usually that’s good old fashioned silly-headed fun. Suitable for a once a year event, a spirited good time indeed. But not tonight.

I canceled my date with my own husband! And you know what? He completely understood. Thanks, D.

But I didn’t cancel my babysitter who was coming from 8 to 10:30 - nope - I went out anyway, just not to the holiday party.  Instead, I went to a bookstore and shopped and bought a couple of christmas presents and acted like a normal holiday shopper for a while.  It was very pleasant.

And I don’t think I’ll wake up with a hangover, either.

Tonight was the eighth, and last, night of Hanukkah. We lit the candles and said our “Ba-roe-kah-ta…”s and the menorah was so very pretty. I realized that this prayer — in Hebrew — is the only one my children know. They only know the gist of what it means, but after hearing it every night for eight nights, they can both recite it fairly well. It’s very beautiful hearing them saying it along with us.

For their biggest and best present of all, tonight we gave them a big wooden doll house. I’d been wanting them to have one for a while, after seeing them both have such fun with one over at a friend’s house. I’d been searching around looking for a pretty but simple dollhouse, and I hadn’t seen anything that was even close to what I wanted to spend (which I’ll admit, I did not really want to spend anything!)

Just imagine my surprise and feeling of great luck when I happened to notice that someone was giving away a wooden dollhouse on my local FreeCycle message board. Along with the dollhouse, a set of toy furniture that goes with it: a bunk bed, a kitchen set, and a dining room set.

Have you ever heard of this before? It’s where, for environmental reasons, people give away things that they don’t want any more rather than throw them out. So far this winter, I’ve gotten a load of firewood through this method. (And through this method, I gave away a “bedside co-sleeper” — basically a play pen that can be attached to a regular bed so that your baby is right next to you and you don’t have to get up and go to another room to get the baby at night. )

Here’s a picture of the dollhouse that my children now adore. The one I got is in perfect condition: it looks new. My children have NO idea that I got it for free, but I am so thrilled by this fact. I also feel great that I could give them something made of wood rather than plastic, and something recycled rather than new. I can’t believe how lucky I am!!

I really like the glow and twinkle of a nicely decorated christmas tree.  But I don’t like the idea of having a tree be raised just so it can be cut down and fall apart in my living room. I also don’t like the idea of spending $50 on something that will be thrown out within a few weeks.

This year, I got the idea to buy a live tree — something that could live a while in our living room in its large pot, and then be planted in our yard.  (I sure hope we get a warmish spell soon: frozen ground can sure be difficult to dig!)

D and I set out on our mission to find such a tree, and we felt completely lucky to find one in our price range at L0we’s.  How often does it happen that you’re looking for something very specific, and you go to ONE store to find it, and there it is: there’s only one of them, and it’s even at a reasonable price?  The tree itself is an Austrian Black Pine and it found its way to us all the way from Oregon.  So, not exactly what you’d call a local tree, but it sure is pretty.  It was much less pricey than some of the other trees, and bigger too. The reason for it being a “bargain”? It’s very crooked. SO WHAT!? It is actually very pretty. This little photo does not do it justice. With any luck, it’ll grow nicely in front of our house, and straighten itself out as it grows.

The best part is: maybe we can get away with never buying a christmas tree again! We just have to decorate it outside each year. We’ll see how this flies come next December - if we’re even home!

The holiday season has officially begun; last night was our first night to light the menorah, and my girls were extremely excited by the prospect of eight nights of gifts. D was able to get home early last night, and I was delighted to have a nice family dinner.

For your amusement, here’s our holiday merriment in a fourteen second nutshell:

Hanukkah is not something I celebrated as a kid. I am not Jewish, and actually neither is D. However, D’s father is a Jew, though a non-observant one. His father might just be a better atheist than I am, though that’s not saying much. (I may be a little atheistic, but I’m not devout about it.) D’s mother is not religious, but comes from a family who were Christian.

They raised D with the traditions of Hanukkah and Passover, as well as Christmas, in a fairly secular way. That’s basically what D and I are doing with our kids, too. We want them to be tolerant of people’s different religions, and to understand that while we aren’t a religious family, there are many families who feel very strongly about religion. I don’t want C or A to end up offending people with insensitive comments about church-going, or whatever.

But I digress. Back to Hanukkah.
Because I never celebrated this holiday as a child, I have no negative emotional associations to overcome about it. I also have no obligations to travel, telephone, visit or otherwise engage with my parents just because it’s Hanukkah. Imagine if I had to call my mom every night for eight nights, or visit her and stay for eight nights? It would be too much, it would be stressful.

So it’s good that Hanukkah is our little family’s fun tradition. To celebrate the first night, I made a special dinner featuring plenty of oil. I fried meatballs, and latkes (potato pancakes) and we also had fresh steamed green beans for our vegetable. The meatballs were a big hit, so I’ll share my easy and tasty recipe* with you.

In my valiant effort to get non-toxic toys as presents, I am doing pretty well so far. But not getting things from China? Gee, it’s almost impossible. Especially not on my budget. I decided to hit the dollar store but be a little discriminating about what I bought.

Before checking out, I reviewed the things in my shopping cart and I asked myself: Does this seem like a soft plastic thing that might have phthalates in it? Does this look like it might have lead paint in it? Does this look like crap that will be clutter after the two seconds of joyful playing have ended and it’s thrown into a heap in the corner? If the answer to any of these questions was ‘yes’ then I put it back on the shelf.

Here’s what got put back: a set of 10 little plastic food containers, a stretchy koosh ball kind of thing, and a set of metallic colored gel pens, and a package of hanukkah stickers. Here’s what I bought: two cardboard 100 piece puzzles, two ‘littlest pet shop’ coloring books, two blank doodle pads, and four bingo markers (which were made in Canada and said ‘non-toxic’).

Aside from the bingo markers, it was all from China, of course.

I also bought them each a couple of Scholastic books, from a book fair at the younger one’s school: it’s a fund raiser to help the school, but the books also weren’t very pricey. (Naturally, the books were printed in China.)

* Pann-Fried Hanukkah Meatballs

1) Mix the following ingredients up thoroughly in a mixing bowl (just with a spoon or a fork. You don’t need to use an electric mixer):

1 pound ground turkey meat (raw)
3 Tablespoons Parmasan or Romano grated cheese
1 egg
2 teaspoons dried basil
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 Tablespoons finely ground flax seed or flax meal (optional)
Salt & Pepper (as you like it - can add later rather than mixing in)

2) Heat a griddle, or cast iron frying pan, with a mixture of oils. For example, about:
3 T olive oil
1/2 cup Vegetable oil - enough to keep your pan good and oily

Your heat should be a bit higher than your middle heating. You don’t want the oil so hot that it smokes, but you want it nice and hot, such that there’s a sizzling sound when you drop the first meatball onto the pan.

Make your meatballs about the size of a walnut, and place them in the pan, letting them sizzle and brown. Turn them, gently and brown all over. Because the meatballs are small, they will cook pretty quickly.

Let them drain on a paper towel some before you eat them, unless you really love oil.