The cynical part of me really despises this holiday. I look at all the build-up and see yet another religious holiday that is dressed up for the commercial benefit of our economy, of our sales and purchases and how they can be pumped up a bit more.

But there’s a part me that just loves this day, too. I work with kids. So I receive lovely little notes, with hearts, and sometimes candy, and I can enjoy that a great deal. There is sincerity, amid the chaos of the world, and it often comes from small people.

Now, I know, and you know, that driver’s license photos are always unflattering, right? But PennDOT is kind and wise, or maybe just kinda wise. They let you see your photo before it is printed on your license. You can do it over if you don’t like it. As much as you want.

My first try was awful. I’d tried to smile, and it just looked like gas, or something, and WHOAH, HELLO DOUBLE CHIN! Yikes! I asked her to do it over.

The second try was better, but also looked bizarre. Who is that crazy lady, was my first thought. Then I remembered, oh yeah, that’s me. The smile was kind of rictus-looking, but the chins were a little less obvious. The hair looked okay for a crazy lady.

On the other hand, a few nights ago I went out to a party* with Drob, and I got all dressed up. I even put body makeup on my boobages. Glittery boobages! I borrowed a swanky sexy red dress and did my hair and put on makeup. I can’t believe there are people who actually do that every day! Ok, not the dress, but the rest of it. Everyone told me I looked great (hot, beautiful, pretty, awesome, etc.) That was nice. Should have gotten my driver’s license photo done that night. Of course, that isn’t possible, and there’s something wrong about getting your driver’s license photo taken when you are stumbling around, having had too many mojito’s.

Still, and anyway, it’s good to know that I can clean up nice from time to time. I had the worst headache ever the next morning, but I don’t regret it at all. It’s not like I made out with random strangers and puked on my shoes. THAT would be a crazy party.

*Fundraiser for school! Does that count? Yes, it does, because I got kinda drunk and danced around in a distinctly undignified way.

So one may find it at first a little odd, if they were to peek in our window (but not in a creepy way, thanks) to see what traditions we have around here. I like to make HAM for Christmas. Christmas and Hanukkah overlap, often enough, so there are times when we have a nice big HAM on the same table as a MENORAH. Is this sacrilegious? Ham is made from the noble creature, the pig. Pork is a big NO-NO of course, never being kosher no matter how much one may pray over it. Our Christmas tree was itty bitty, and some of my houseplants were about equally adorned.

We do hang stockings by the fire with care. And I love singing Christmas carols – and even am guilty of going to Pandora.com and playing Christmas music for hours on end.

Not everyone likes this sort of thing, this casual adaptation of religious holidays. I know the cynical folks out there are likely to scoff at us, thinking we are wrong to celebrate holidays when we are not religious.

But my point is that there are a series of traditions we follow. They don’t exactly go together, this mixed bag of delights. Lighting the menorah and eating ham, or singing Christmas carols but also reciting a prayer in Hebrew — a language I don’t speak at all other than to know this ONE prayer for lighting of candles on Hanukkah.

And what is the purpose of celebrating a holiday that is associated with a religion that you don’t even participate in??

The purpose is simple. It’s family. It’s being home with people you love. It’s taking time and effort to make traditions that are fun and real and loving. This isn’t about some external commandment to be a certain way. This is about finding the love and the home and the family.

So I had a great Hannumas/Chrismakkah, and it wasn’t all about What I Got for Christmas.

However, that said, I got some GREAT STUFF. I asked for– and received– a Rice Cooker and a cotton duvet for my silk comforter. Tonight I made my first rice dinner in the rice cooker, and it was really easy, and fun. My thoughtful inlaws also got me a big cookbook to go with the rice cooker– it has a zillion recipes of things that you can make in a rice cooker. (Rice! Brown Rice! Basmati Rice! Sticky Rice! Fluffy Rice!) Seriously, though, you can also use this appliance for steaming veggies, and you can make all-in-one meals by dicing other ingredients and mixing with the rice.

Tonight I used leftovers plus rice to make a really savory dish. I diced leftover Christmas ham (naturally raised, no anti-biotics, humanely treated, local pig: what we around here call “Happy Pig”) and artichoke heart, tossed in some sweet corn that I’d put up in the freezer this summer, and about a half cup of diced leek. Together with basmati rice, this was a really nice little dinner. Carla and Annie even said it was good!

The duvet is nice, too. I took a nap under it today, while my children systematically destroyed the house played nicely together downstairs.

I am so much enjoying my time off. The kids are, too. We went to NYC yesterday and had a really fun time. We did a bunch of walking, and also managed to spend some time in taxi cabs as well. It was a beautiful day, and we successfully navigated the city, taking in Rockerfeller Center and its enormous Christmas tree, as well as visiting the American Girl store. My kids got to each bring home a little pet from there– a cat named Licorice and a dog named Sugar.

Licorice was especially exciting because Annie has been wanting Licorice for over a year. We went to the store, figuring we could simply get a Licorice cat. When we asked one associate about it, we were told that Licorice had been discontinued– in fact pulled from the shelves to make way for their new inventory. Oh No! But then one other person working there suddenly said, “oh wait! Looks like there’s JUST ONE LEFT!”

So there it was… THE LAST LICORICE CAT LEFT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, or so says Annie. She was so sad for the rest of the world, that nobody else would ever be able to get a Licorice, but she was pretty delighted to have snatched up the VERY LAST ONE, anyway.

After we successfully rescued Licorice and Sugar from the store, we hopped into a cab on Madison Avenue –

[Me: Mom, if we walk over to Madison, we can get a cab from there, it goes in the right direction. Mom: Oh, OK. (starts walking in wrong direction) Me: Mom, Madison Avenue is THIS way. (Thinking: Who's the one who isn't WITH IT?)]

– and off we went to Central Park West, where we snacked on hotdogs from a vendor (ew…. I know…. but it is kind of a NYC tradition… yuck) and a variety of kid-friendly foods that I’d packed. After that, we braved the ultra crowded American Museum of Natural History. I think we closely examined every single mineral, precious stone, and gem in the large and incredible gem room. We marveled at the dinosaur bones. We oogled the meteorites. We dashed through quickly but admiringly observing the many different skulls of mankind. It really brings to the forefront the fact that humans are just one species of many– Evolution is real! Wow, neato!

Then via taxi we headed back to Penn station, and a train ride back home. A very full day. I really enjoyed that last taxi ride, because we went down Broadway and I got to see Times Square.

I like NYC. It’s all crowded and bustle-y. But I am glad to be home. I spent today in my pajamas. Yay for winter breaks.

I hope all of you out there got what you wanted for Christmas– and I wish you all a very Happy New Year.

As I was making the cards, I started to wonder: Is it possible for me to make this a Handmade Holiday season? What if I make it a goal to give 100% home made / hand made gifts to my friends and family? And, dare I say, even to my CHILDREN? Or would they be scarred for life?

Probably, they would not be scarred. For one thing, Santa will bring them stuff his elves in China have been hard at work making. For another, Grandma and Nonna will surely fill in where Santa leaves off. So, it’s not like I’m saying, hey kiddo, here’s some schlocky thing your Momma made you, instead of that fabulous pthalate-filled item that you really, really, wanted.

But really, what if I make something for everyone on my list? My list of gifts would look something like this:

Fleece Winter Hat
Rag Doll
Home made Coloring Book
Cookies
Biscotti
Fleece Scarf
Handmade Felt Critters
Sock Puppet
Handmade Felt Puppets
Throw Quilt
Quilted Pot Holder
Handmade Place Mats
Handmade Napkins
Homemade Pumpkin Butter with Loaf of Pumpkin Bread
Decorative Recipe Book
Homemade Calendar with Kids Photos
(Write & Illustrate my own) Picture Book

Tell me, honestly, does this sound cheap or tacky? An inherently bad idea? Ridiculously impractical? I mean, for me — remember, I wrote a novel last month. What can stop me now?

I want to give people nice things, but I really don’t have much money to spend. I want to emphasize the thought, rather than the spending. I want to avoid impulse purchases, annoying clutter, holiday hatred, shopping malls, muzak, and rabid consumerism.

I even like the sound of this idea: Handmade Holidays. I haven’t googled this phrase yet, as I want to continue (even if briefly) to enjoy the fantasy that I thought this idea up with complete originality and incredible vision. Ahem.

Have a Handmade Holiday!

It’s after one in the morning and I think I will go to bed. Tomorrow we are having a large family get together with Drob’s extended family, and I don’t want to be too tired to enjoy it. The more annoying elements of his family are not going to be there, or so I’m told, and so I am really looking forward to the event.

My mom sort of gave me a non-apology apology for having criticized the kids making a ‘mess’. It was not really all that messy, but mom’s used to having everything spotless. She made comments to me about the mess, which annoyed me, but I blew her off saying, “News flash! Children create mess using small toys! Film at eleven!” I chuckled and told her not to worry, that we would clean up before we left.

We brought home the remains of the turkey, and I cut away the meat from the carcass, then placed the bones in the crock pot to make soup. Soup and writing and writing and soup. The house is already starting to smell delicious.

Tomorrow, we feast again! No wonder we are a culture with lots of extra pounds around our waists… our culture is food obsessed. Or, at least I know that I am. Maybe I can work this into my novel somehow.

I know I’m deep into thinking about these characters because for the last couple of nights, they visited me in my dreams. Hmmm… dreams are a fun thing to put in a novel.

There is a lot of thinking going on in my novel, but not much action. Hmmmm…. action is something that is fun to put into a novel.

Anyway, I’m at 34,178 words if you want to know and now I am off to bed. Goodnight!

I was reading ConsciousMom.net, a personal blog that also discusses environmental and political issues (among other things) and from there, followed this link. It’s an interactive survey that lets you get an idea for how your personal lifestyle affects the planet.

I consider myself somewhat green — I recycle as much as I can (with the systems available to me), buy local and organic stuff (though not always),  and I don’t drive all that far. But I was surprised to learn that even my organic-fair-trade coffee is still having a negative impact on the environment.

A big surprise, though, was finding out that adding another person to my household (Cammy) seemed to have a good impact environmentally. This makes sense. If you are sharing your home with more people, then you are sharing resources that would other have to be duplicated elsewhere. If Cammy lived on her own, there would be an apartment, say, that needed to be heated and maintained for the benefit of only one person. Instead, we’re housing more of us for the same amount of heating resources.

So it’s another way that Cammy is having a good impact on the world.

I keep thinking, as I read the blogs of other people, that life is harder for families in which  parents are living isolated from the support of relatives. When people live more communally, they can share resources, and pool their energy. Helping one another eases stress, uses fewer resources, and grows greater family bonding.

Yet many people that I’ve talked to about this have expressed surprise that our situation is so much to our liking. I’ve heard from more than one mom I know that it’s hard for them to imagine having to share their personal space with anyone else than they already do. I suppose this is a part of our culture, and each individual’s personality.

In my community, I am also part of a couple of parenting networks, which provide a sense of this connection. In a big way, I’ve seen how different families coordinating their efforts (for events, potlucks, and babysitting) can really enrich family life. Having someone living in your home with you is really like an extension of that.

I’m starting to really appreciate how nice it must be for those living in “intentional communities”, communes, and kibbutzes. On the other hand, wasn’t it Sartre who wrote that Hell is other people? When I think about how many people out there I dislike (snob that I am!) I also realize that the other side of the communal living coin is that getting along isn’t always easy.

As time goes by, and our planets resources continue to be abused, there will be less to go around. Perhaps now might be a good time for families to seek out other families that they can at least tolerate, and forge friendships and alliances that will aid in the group’s survival. I would love to think that by sharing my home, I’m not only helping myself and Cammy (while she’s helping us!) but also helping the planet.

It’s a good feeling.

I want to talk about BODY HAIR. Specifically, women’s body hair. I personally do not value shaving my legs or armpits. I don’t see the point in it. Why shave my legs at all? If I did, why not also my arms, indeed everywhere? Is there something inherently offensive about the fact that hair grows on the legs and underarms? Is it offensive on the arms too? Not to mention, the “bikini zone” and eyebrows and well, you get the idea.

Now, please, don’t get upset, all you happy shavers out there. If you shave just because you like how it looks and feels, that is fine with me. I am not saying you should stop. I just don’t get it myself. Why is hairlessness “normal”? I think the normal should be what happens without any particular effort.

Then again, I don’t much wear makeup either. Or do much to my hair other than brush and put it up as needed to keep it out of my face.

I guess you could call me a non-conformist. But I also get insecure about my body hair from time to time, and then if it gets to much to bear (bare?) I do in fact shave.  Then I almost always regret it, and feel annoyed at all the growing-back itchiness and bristle.

Some people I know only shave in the summer. That make some sense: some must figure that hairless legs look nice but why bother if it’s winter and you’re in pants all the time anyway.

And the issue of shaving isn’t just limited to women’s needs.  You’re sure to find plenty of marketing that tells manfolk how they can improve themselves — even make their manly parts look larger — by shaving. Some of the marketing materials on this site, for example, had Drob and I in stitches.

All this is to say, here I go to Florida, day after tomorrow. I won’t be in my winter clothes for a week.  I made it through the whole past summer in all my hairy glory.  Why should I shave now?  I have no one to impress. Drob doesn’t mind my hair one bit, in fact, it’s the scratchy part of growing it out that annoys him. My leg hair is long, sure, but it’s soft. It doesn’t bother me or him. If I shave it would bother both of us.  Plus I don’t want to model shaving to my kids. I don’t want them to think about this issue at all for at least another 5 years, when C hits puberty and has peers who are talking about it.

So… why do you shave? Do you ever wish you didn’t “have to”? Have you ever considered going against the cultural norm?  Or do you live somewhere where the cultural norm doesn’t tell you that having hairy legs is bad? If you live somewhere like that, how’s the food? Should I move there?

Oh, and my eyes are still miserable. I will be visiting the doctor tomorrow if I don’t see improvement in the morning. Bleah.

Because we can.

Because he’s not doing that great.

Because I want my kids to get a chance to see their grand-daddy before he’s gone.

Because I want to get him to work on his will.

Because Fort Myers is really, really beautiful.

Because I don’t care how bad I look in a swimsuit right now… I love the sea and it loves me.

Because if not now, then when will be good?

And finally, because I had to think of something to do with the large checks my parents each gave me for Christmas. I thought and thought… not wanting more “stuff” … not wanting to just pay bills (though that would be practical!) … not wanting to just have it be a fraction of some home repair… so this seems the wisest way to use the money.

Sure, I could have saved a bunch of money by just going by myself to visit my dad, but that wouldn’t be nearly so fun. I need my kids with me, because they will bring me joy and happiness even when my dad depresses the shit out of me. And they may not have another opportunity to visit with my dad, since his health seems so poor. Besides, C and A would be furious with me if I left them out!

Being home for holidays is something I’ve longed for; and yet now that I’m peering toward the prospect of this actually happening, I feel like a ship with no rudder. What will we actually do? I am relieved of the responsibilities that usually stress me out: pleasing my mother; appeasing my father, and being nice to my step-mother, or greeting my aunt and her husband in an awkward family get-together where I’m the only one not really praying fervently before dinner.

Not being required to react and survive and get through the holiday is leaving a heck of a vacuum. When’s dinner? What’ll we eat? When will we open presents? How will we do this holiday? Should we make turkey (I don’t like turkey!) or ham? (Anyone know where I can get a good free range local ham?) What do I tell me kids this holiday is about again? Should we get all Solstice happy and claim we’re beckoning the spirits of whatever to get us through the cold winter season and bring spring and light back to us again?

How should I know?? I just usually do whatever the authority figure in my life wants me to do each holiday. Go here. Do this. Clean that. Eat this. Visit this church. Blah, blah, blah.

I’m free from all that. I am home for my holiday. We have our live Christmas tree with its kitty cat topper and cheery stockings hung by the fire with care. But how to actually celebrate the holiday? I don’t really know what I’m doing. And, um, it’s less than a week away.

I guess I’ve been in denial about the approach of this holiday. D pointed out to me recently that his great grandma, his parents, his uncle and his two cousins (and that’s all! not so many people, right?) would all be joining us for family holiday sharing… which means they will be giving US presents. Which means… we should be giving them presents. HOW could I have been so blind to this obvious fact?

This fact got me thinking about the fact that my brother and his family will likely ALSO be sending us presents so we should be sending them, yup, presents. Why am I only thinking about this now, what, five days before Christmas? Am I that oblivious?

Panic? Who me?

I’m thinking FAST. I am hatching some plans. I can still be gracious even if I am disorganized and not so flush with cash.

I am going to make some homemade biscotti and give them as presents, along with some fabulous fair trade coffee, and /or fruit. I’ve got a pair of movie tickets (that don’t expire; a re-gift) which I’ll mail to my brother and his wife. I picked up a cute book for my nephew, and I think I’ll go with a couple gift cards for my nieces. I also found (ok, trash picked, but he doesn’t have to know this) a large bound collection of X-Men comic books which I think my brother will especially enjoy.

I’ll mail my dad a biscotti & coffee care package. Great-grandma will enjoy biscotti in a gift basket with lovely organic hand creme and hand soap.

So the presents should work out okay, but I’m still not sure what to do. Make a lot of food, yeah, that’s it. Cookies. Christmas Cake. Whoopie Pies. Greens. Hoppin’ John. And remind my kids how much I love them, and how christmas is all about love. That ought to do, right?

And the only other question is: how will I manage to do all that I want to do? Especially when my kitchen is SUCH a huge mess? (again!)