This week, one of our neighbors must have gone on a major de-cluttering spree. She put out a tons of stuff on the curb to be collected by the garbage man. Oh Happy Trash-picking Day!

We selected several books, both children’s and other fiction. We got a copy of Stuart Little and The Trumpet of the Swan, both classic and wonderful children’s books.  We got a few Dr. Seuss books — ones I hadn’t seen before.  Also some sci-fi and a book on gardening, and one about the rainforest.

There were a number of old board games, which we left behind.  We did bring home a set of GO stones and a board (see picture, below), a battered (dirty !) winnie the pooh (A insisted on taking it… so I will be tossing it in the washing machine soon…) and also a step ladder. There was a playpen, a huge stuffed armchair, and a dresser, too, but we weren’t interested in those.

While this collecting of free stuff isn’t good from the perspective of either simplifying our lives, or decluttering our house, it sure is fun.

Here’s a glimpse of what my kids were doing today…

… yes, in their pajamas. It was the kind of day where getting dressed was optional. Bliss!

Tonight I was supposed to hop on a train to center city, meet up with D, and attend his company’s annual holiday party.  Each year they throw a nice bash for their employees, with good food, an open bar, and loud music.  Usually D and I find this once-a-year event a nice outlet for juvenile behaviors that we otherwise have generally left behind.

The babysitter was lined up, no problems there. We even arranged that Grandma could have the kids stay over at her house overnight, leaving us free to stay out very late and act foolish and irresponsible indeed.

But the truth is, I sure didn’t feel like doing any of that.  I was not in the mood for crowds, making social chit chat, drinking mojitos (and I love mojitos usually, especially free ones, I mean really!) and carrying on and all that.  I think I remember last year there was a spontaneous rap war breaking out among the geeks in the IT department. Ah, the hilarity of the company party plus open bar.

Yes, usually that’s good old fashioned silly-headed fun. Suitable for a once a year event, a spirited good time indeed. But not tonight.

I canceled my date with my own husband! And you know what? He completely understood. Thanks, D.

But I didn’t cancel my babysitter who was coming from 8 to 10:30 – nope – I went out anyway, just not to the holiday party.  Instead, I went to a bookstore and shopped and bought a couple of christmas presents and acted like a normal holiday shopper for a while.  It was very pleasant.

And I don’t think I’ll wake up with a hangover, either.

Tonight was the eighth, and last, night of Hanukkah. We lit the candles and said our “Ba-roe-kah-ta…”s and the menorah was so very pretty. I realized that this prayer — in Hebrew — is the only one my children know. They only know the gist of what it means, but after hearing it every night for eight nights, they can both recite it fairly well. It’s very beautiful hearing them saying it along with us.

For their biggest and best present of all, tonight we gave them a big wooden doll house. I’d been wanting them to have one for a while, after seeing them both have such fun with one over at a friend’s house. I’d been searching around looking for a pretty but simple dollhouse, and I hadn’t seen anything that was even close to what I wanted to spend (which I’ll admit, I did not really want to spend anything!)

Just imagine my surprise and feeling of great luck when I happened to notice that someone was giving away a wooden dollhouse on my local FreeCycle message board. Along with the dollhouse, a set of toy furniture that goes with it: a bunk bed, a kitchen set, and a dining room set.

Have you ever heard of this before? It’s where, for environmental reasons, people give away things that they don’t want any more rather than throw them out. So far this winter, I’ve gotten a load of firewood through this method. (And through this method, I gave away a “bedside co-sleeper” — basically a play pen that can be attached to a regular bed so that your baby is right next to you and you don’t have to get up and go to another room to get the baby at night. )

Here’s a picture of the dollhouse that my children now adore. The one I got is in perfect condition: it looks new. My children have NO idea that I got it for free, but I am so thrilled by this fact. I also feel great that I could give them something made of wood rather than plastic, and something recycled rather than new. I can’t believe how lucky I am!!

I really like the glow and twinkle of a nicely decorated christmas tree.  But I don’t like the idea of having a tree be raised just so it can be cut down and fall apart in my living room. I also don’t like the idea of spending $50 on something that will be thrown out within a few weeks.

This year, I got the idea to buy a live tree — something that could live a while in our living room in its large pot, and then be planted in our yard.  (I sure hope we get a warmish spell soon: frozen ground can sure be difficult to dig!)

D and I set out on our mission to find such a tree, and we felt completely lucky to find one in our price range at L0we’s.  How often does it happen that you’re looking for something very specific, and you go to ONE store to find it, and there it is: there’s only one of them, and it’s even at a reasonable price?  The tree itself is an Austrian Black Pine and it found its way to us all the way from Oregon.  So, not exactly what you’d call a local tree, but it sure is pretty.  It was much less pricey than some of the other trees, and bigger too. The reason for it being a “bargain”? It’s very crooked. SO WHAT!? It is actually very pretty. This little photo does not do it justice. With any luck, it’ll grow nicely in front of our house, and straighten itself out as it grows.

The best part is: maybe we can get away with never buying a christmas tree again! We just have to decorate it outside each year. We’ll see how this flies come next December – if we’re even home!

The holiday season has officially begun; last night was our first night to light the menorah, and my girls were extremely excited by the prospect of eight nights of gifts. D was able to get home early last night, and I was delighted to have a nice family dinner.

For your amusement, here’s our holiday merriment in a fourteen second nutshell:

Hanukkah is not something I celebrated as a kid. I am not Jewish, and actually neither is D. However, D’s father is a Jew, though a non-observant one. His father might just be a better atheist than I am, though that’s not saying much. (I may be a little atheistic, but I’m not devout about it.) D’s mother is not religious, but comes from a family who were Christian.

They raised D with the traditions of Hanukkah and Passover, as well as Christmas, in a fairly secular way. That’s basically what D and I are doing with our kids, too. We want them to be tolerant of people’s different religions, and to understand that while we aren’t a religious family, there are many families who feel very strongly about religion. I don’t want C or A to end up offending people with insensitive comments about church-going, or whatever.

But I digress. Back to Hanukkah.
Because I never celebrated this holiday as a child, I have no negative emotional associations to overcome about it. I also have no obligations to travel, telephone, visit or otherwise engage with my parents just because it’s Hanukkah. Imagine if I had to call my mom every night for eight nights, or visit her and stay for eight nights? It would be too much, it would be stressful.

So it’s good that Hanukkah is our little family’s fun tradition. To celebrate the first night, I made a special dinner featuring plenty of oil. I fried meatballs, and latkes (potato pancakes) and we also had fresh steamed green beans for our vegetable. The meatballs were a big hit, so I’ll share my easy and tasty recipe* with you.

In my valiant effort to get non-toxic toys as presents, I am doing pretty well so far. But not getting things from China? Gee, it’s almost impossible. Especially not on my budget. I decided to hit the dollar store but be a little discriminating about what I bought.

Before checking out, I reviewed the things in my shopping cart and I asked myself: Does this seem like a soft plastic thing that might have phthalates in it? Does this look like it might have lead paint in it? Does this look like crap that will be clutter after the two seconds of joyful playing have ended and it’s thrown into a heap in the corner? If the answer to any of these questions was ‘yes’ then I put it back on the shelf.

Here’s what got put back: a set of 10 little plastic food containers, a stretchy koosh ball kind of thing, and a set of metallic colored gel pens, and a package of hanukkah stickers. Here’s what I bought: two cardboard 100 piece puzzles, two ‘littlest pet shop’ coloring books, two blank doodle pads, and four bingo markers (which were made in Canada and said ‘non-toxic’).

Aside from the bingo markers, it was all from China, of course.

I also bought them each a couple of Scholastic books, from a book fair at the younger one’s school: it’s a fund raiser to help the school, but the books also weren’t very pricey. (Naturally, the books were printed in China.)

* Pann-Fried Hanukkah Meatballs

1) Mix the following ingredients up thoroughly in a mixing bowl (just with a spoon or a fork. You don’t need to use an electric mixer):

1 pound ground turkey meat (raw)
3 Tablespoons Parmasan or Romano grated cheese
1 egg
2 teaspoons dried basil
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 Tablespoons finely ground flax seed or flax meal (optional)
Salt & Pepper (as you like it – can add later rather than mixing in)

2) Heat a griddle, or cast iron frying pan, with a mixture of oils. For example, about:
3 T olive oil
1/2 cup Vegetable oil – enough to keep your pan good and oily

Your heat should be a bit higher than your middle heating. You don’t want the oil so hot that it smokes, but you want it nice and hot, such that there’s a sizzling sound when you drop the first meatball onto the pan.

Make your meatballs about the size of a walnut, and place them in the pan, letting them sizzle and brown. Turn them, gently and brown all over. Because the meatballs are small, they will cook pretty quickly.

Let them drain on a paper towel some before you eat them, unless you really love oil.

Nor is it cheap.

It feels like getting organic / fair trade / non toxic goods is something only the elite can actually sustain.

After yesterday’s holiday shopping fears were compounded with concerns about toxic and unethically generated products, I began to search around the web to see what I could find as true alternatives.

There’s a TON of stuff of babies- like this site here for example- which is good because babies are at a much higher risk because they sure do love to explore the world through their mouths.

For big kids like mine, there didn’t seem to be as much, and what I did find was outrageously expensive. Beautifully made wooden doll houses and dolls, such as these, look like great alternatives, except that the price was so high.
I saw beautiful wooden structures that could make fabulous forts. (Isn’t that what the living room furniture is for?) Even simple things like play silks, seem extremely pricey to me. I mean, come on, folks, it’s a big old piece of fabric. I have those by the score. Why should I plunk down $50 for your fancy one?

Which got me thinking. Thinking about ways to provide some fun gifts without having to give up my grocery budget. My creative juices are just starting to get going. The first thing I need to do is work on making our house less cluttered and more livable. That will open up some room to have places to be imaginative.

I can help them set up better play areas. I can bust out that huge stash of fabrics I’ve got, and let them make their own toys.

This still doesn’t answer the question of what to put under the Hanukkah bush.  But it’s a start: I think they will appreciate the things we get them more, and enjoy them for a longer time if they can play in a context that is comfortable and not over crowded.

I want to try to meet their desire for a cozy and special holiday season full of surprises and gifts, family fun, and good food. I think I was wrong to try to approach what to give them as a list of things that they specifically want. If I put in enough time and effort, I think I can pull this off with a minimum of expense and still go fairly easy on the plastic toys from China.

There are also books – something the kids love as much as I do – and I am sure we’ll get them some of those as well. But I don’t expect books to create the kind of excitement that comes with Exciting New Toys.

Given that I do not have the cash to go out and get fabulous free trade organic play sets and such, I am going to have to improvise some and compromise some.  It’s not easy bein’ green, I guess, but I am still willing to try. I’ll check back in a couple weeks and let you know how it’s working for me.

Meanwhile, if your creative ideas have peaked on how to solve this holiday gift dilemma, please, please share your thoughts. I’d love to hear them!

Actually, the title of this post is a bald-faced lie. OF COURSE I am going to get my children things for Christmas. I just don’t know what I can get them anymore.

Maybe it’s because I live in a media-sheltered existence, but up until now I really knew very little about the toxicity of stuff we buy.  What I don’t know could still fill volumes, but now I am a little more informed.  I was just listening to a podcast of Fresh Air, featuring author Mark Shapiro who has just published his book Exposed – the Toxic Chemistry of Everyday Products. I am not surprised to learn (though I’m still upset and alarmed nonetheless) that products made for the USA’s consumption are toxic as heck, but in Europe they actually regulate what stuff can be introduced into their countries; from toys to cosmetics. By contrast, we yokels here in the USA are painting our faces with toxic chemicals, and putting toxic binkies and teethers in the mouths of our babes.

Shapiro explains that the European Union bases regulations on “an accumulation of evidence” that suggests substantial harm, and pulls products on that basis quickly. The USA instead looks for total absolute proof of harm before doing anything to regulate consumer goods. It’s a cost-benefit analysis: The cost to industry is weighed against the benefit to society.  hmmm…. a business might lose some profit, while consumers might lose their lives to cancer, lose their pregnancies to toxic chemicals that compromise fertility, and have babies suffer from birth defects, childhood disease, and more. Gee, that bottom line really needs someone to stand up for it!

What are the toxic chemicals that you should be concerned about? Lead, for example, could well be in your favorite shade of lipstick. Lead poisoning is a serious threat– lead is a dangerous poison if you eat it.  Who thought it should be in lipstick?  The mind boggles. Other heavy metals, too, like mercury could be added here and there and you just wouldn’t know about it.

But the sneaky and scary substance that seems to be all around us, hidden away, is a group of plastic additives known as phthalates. As I understand it, phthalates are added to nearly every piece of soft, molded plastic. The dashboard of your car. Your child’s rubber ducky, or plastic teething ring.   Perhaps it’s in the plastic utensils that you use to stir the soup, or spread the frosting on the cupcakes you made to celebrate your child’s birthday. The usefulness of phthalates is that the additive makes plastic more pliable, and moldable.

What is the harm? Well, if you ask the researchers in the US, it’s not PROVEN. However, in Europe and even recently in California, they are concerned enough to ban products with phthalates because they don’t want to risk an increase in a variety of health issues, including allergies, genital abnormalities, diabetes, cancer,  and reduced fertility in both men and women.

Apparently what happens with products that aren’t considered safe for kids in Europe is that the EU officials will turn away shipments of toxic toys and send them back to China. Then the toys are sent to the US instead. And guess what? They’re such a good price! What a deal! I’m can’t wait to start buying up cheap toys!

The big problem I have is that a little information is a dangerous thing, though probably not as bad as having no information at all. I want to go through my kids stuff and try to figure out what, if anything, is dangerous to them.  I am still in the process of trying to understand in what way phthlates cause harm: is it only if you stick it in your mouth?  I don’t wear makeup – except on halloween, and on a very rare occasion, so I’m not eating lead lipstick, or swallowing phthlates from makeup, and neither are my children.

For that matter, my kids are old enough now that they really don’t put toys in their mouths anymore.  I don’t know yet if there is a danger to just being around phthlates: for example, do they give off gases that are toxic? I’ve read that this toxic substance is one of those odorless, colorless oily things that is mixed into the plastic recipes, giving toys and other things flexibility.  I don’t know if that means that harder plastics are safer?  The more I think about it, the more I feel a fear that we have a toxic things all around us, and I don’t know how it can or will affect me and my family.

Add to the toxicity alarm my own anti-consumerist bent, and my distaste for exploited workers near and far, (and not to mention my own tight-fisted frugal ways) and you can start to see why I have some issues with getting my kids what they want.  And they want it all… they really want their toys from China.  Here’s a sampling of what my kids want for Hanukkah and Christmas (yes, we celebrate both in this household):

Calico Critters Play House
Bright Eyes (a stuffed toy that we saw at the supermarket)
Littlest Pet Shop
A Robotic Life-like Guinea Pig (um, we HAVE REAL guinea pigs, what do we need a robotic one for??)
A little dog that barks (I am NOT getting that. Ugh, barking?? )
Webkinz

I am pretty sure that all of the above are things made in China.  I don’t know under what conditions the toys are made.  I don’t know if they are toxic either in the present or over time as plastic degrades.  All I know is my kids want them.

So, yeah, I wish I was getting nothin’ for Christmas – nothing toxic anyway.   And nothing that came from the hands of child laborers, or other exploited people.  We don’t even have room for the toys we have now! And yet the kids want more!

It’s a real dilemma.  I don’t have any easy answers.  I’ve done a bit of web searching for alternative toys, and sure they are out there. But I have yet to find something that actually substitutes well for the actual things my children want.

How’s your holiday shopping going?

. . . So far, I’ve got nothin’.

Reading a chapter or part of one each night is fast becoming a very popular nightly ritual; most nights we read some of a chapter book and then A and I head to her room for a quick picture book before turning out the light.  (I don’t want her to miss out on the joy of reading picture books just because her big sister is a chapter book junkie.) Here are a few samples of what we’ve read to the kids lately.

Danny Champion of the World — by Roald Dahl. What would it be like to live in a little caravan with the best Dad ever? This is a quaint children’s novel about one boy and his dad, and the adventures they have in their little town. I love how Roald Dahl’s stories have a raw honesty to them.  It is so outside of our current “sanitized readings” that one gets nowaday.  His stories don’t hide the dark sides of life.

In spite of my enthusiasm for children’s books from other eras, D and I both have a hard time reading bits of stories to our kids that depict severe punishment.  I sometimes have  to soften stories a little, though I am loathe to do it.

In Danny, there is a description of the boy being hit very severely by his teacher.  I included this part because I felt like it made for interesting reading and it makes you feel in awe of  the boy’s dad, who wants to go beat the living daylights out of the teacher. That’s just one anecdote in the story, not a main plot point or anything. Like in James and the Giant Peach: it’s twisted and dark how James’ parents get killed by a rampaging rhino escaped from London Zoo. And his awful aunts get killed when the peach rolls over them and flattens them. Twisted ! Dark! Funny!  Not this watered down crap you see now a days, where hardly anything happens. And yet there’s an other worldliness to much of it, so it’s not horrific–  unlike watching the evening news (something which I avoid).

Now we’re working our way through Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  I could not bring myself to read the words on the page where it said that Laura’s Pa got the strap from the wall and whipped her with it (this was punishment for Laura having slapped her sister in the face).  I just said something like, “So Laura’s Pa had to spank her.” Less vivid, less upsetting that way, and it didn’t interfere with the plot of the book.

I confess I also played down the brown hair / blond hair jealousy subplot. My daughters, we noticed, have the same hair as Mary and Laura in the book! The big one with blond, the little one kind of mousy brown.  I did NOT want to introduce into my little one’s mind the idea that blond hair is prettier than brown! Instead of reading that Mary had beautiful golden curls, while Laura had plain, ugly brown hair, I said that Laura had beautiful brown curls. This played out poorly with the plot, but I felt it was worth it.

I love Little House for its descriptions of life in a much simpler time, when there was much physical work to be done, and how little the children had and yet how happy they were. It’s something I want my kids to think about as we prepare for Havemoreakah and Consumermas, the big winter holidays. What if I just get them a pig’s bladder and a rag doll, and get rid of everything else in the house. Then they could really be happy!

I’ve also read them the first two books of the Harry Potter series.  These are fun, but so much less rich than these older books that I just discussed. I wonder how well the Potter series will read, in a hundred years?

And now for something completely different…

I’m writing this post as I listen to the moving acceptance speech of my city’s newly elected mayor. This man is incredible.

“Even here, in Philadelphia, we can make this city better,” he just said.

“I believe in a place called hope, but I also believe in a placed called Philadelphia.” Great stuff! I sure hope he really will live up to his fine speech.

I’m sitting here at the computer when I should really be in the kitchen getting lunches prepared for the girls to take to school tomorrow.  I’m having some kind of crazy paranoia that I’m pregnant when it’s utterly unlikely.  I am trying to decide if I should run to the pharmacy just to get a test and pee on it and see no extra line show up to set my obviously addled brain at ease. On the other hand, maybe I should just get my butt into the kitchen and pack up some lunchies.

Here’s the top ten reasons why I’m not, just can’t be, really and truly, I am not pregnant.

10. My weight gain is easily explainable via the huge quantities of halloween candy that I’ve eaten.

9. I feel nauseated because of the huge quantities of halloween candy that I ate. And all the other crap I ate, too.

8. Having cajun catfish and greenbeans for dinner is quite sensible. But it doesn’t really go with those gummy fruit snacks, seaweed rice crackers, roasted pumpkin seeds, and hot homemade applesauce. All these things are yummy in and of themselves but…

7. At least I can honestly say my breasts are not tender. Much. I’m imagining this. Really I am.

6. I have given away all my maternity and baby clothes. Cuz I’m done, man. Really.
5. My waistline’s not swelling; my jeans just shrank in the dryer.

4. Sure, in the past I only liked peanut butter when pregnant, but people’s tastes just change sometimes. It doesn’t imply that they are busily generating a new lifeform inside of them!

3. I haven’t had sex. Much.

2. I have a copper IUD. Very effective, these things.

1. I haven’t missed any periods!  EVERYONE knows that you CAN’T have a period and still be pregnant. Right? Right?