Paying for Private School
Posted: July 2, 2007 at 2:11 am by pannWe spend about $9000 per year to send our daughter to a private elementary school. When our younger daughter reaches school age, that figure will double. Is it worth it?
People in my neighborhood mostly would agree, that yes, it’s well worth the second mortgage, getting by with one car (we still have two- one is 12 years old and the other 14 years old, but we don’t owe any money on either car at this point), it’s worth putting off home improvements, begging for requesting financial aid or help from parents, and much more.
I have to admit, that so far, it’s been a great pleasure to send her off each day into an environment that I am completely confident in. She is thriving; learning to read, excelling at math, packing away tons of facts, as well as getting the big picture in many different themes. Socially she’s blossoming, making friends, learning about how to express herself confidently, and so much more.
One might argue that she’d do equally well in one of our city’s better public schools. And I concede only that we’ll never know if that is true. I do know that aside from one particularly fanatical family who lives near me, the parents I have spoken to who have decided to send their kids into the public schools all seem to have a couple things in common.
The group of parents I’m referring to are mostly white, middle class families (a few are bi-racial couples) who are choosing to send their children into schools that are at least 85% African American, in a city where public schools are always needing to fight for a budget, where violence in the schools is a serious issue, where classroom size is constantly pushed to its limits. Where they cut art to save money.
First, these parents all seem to have a very strong ideology that public schools are improved by the presence of white middle class children. I heard on NPR recently that there is some evidence that poorer kids benefit by getting their educations side by side with children from the middle classes. People tend to agree that having an involved, caring group of parents makes a huge difference in schools. So, many of the folks that I have spoken with seem to feel that by using the public schools, they are contributing to the community in which they live, and thereby making it a better place. I won’t argue with that!
But the other common thread I seem to hear is that these parents also admit that the school experience their child is getting is at best mediocre. When I talk to parents about this admittedly Hot Button issue, I first hear at length about the ideological reasons why choosing a public school is “the right thing to do.” I also hear a lot of “their kids are turning out fine.”
What of the quality of their lives? Well, their kids are “learning the hard way” about getting along when they have to learn to deal with bullies. Their kids are getting “hard life lessons”. Excuse me, but in KINDERGARDEN???
I just could not see my tender 5 year old entering such an arena. I also didn’t want to see myself or my husband coming up against a system over and over again just to fight for things that we thought should be a given in school. Would she have art? Music? Would they allow her to be creative, an individual? And we certainly didn’t want to move to the Suburbs. The suburbs? Ew, sorry, not us.
In our city, the public schools all require children to wear uniforms. This policy irks the individualist in me to the core. When I asked parents of public school kids how they felt about the issue, they snickered and said that it was the least of their worries; they had more important issues to work on and were picking their battles carefully.
I didn’t want to battle. I didn’t want to fight. I wanted my daughter to be safe, happy, and to grow academically, socially, and emotionally. Life’s hard enough without having school be a battleground.
So instead we pay through the nose, and we love it. Crazy world, huh?
Posted in Family Life, Private School | 
5 Comments »
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:02 am
My feelings on the public schools remains that I will not sacrifice my children for an ideal, so we’ll join you in the paying through the nose club.
Our public schools are “good” but I have such objections to the very model of education that you find in the public schools, particularly in the wake of No Child Left Behind, or at least No Child Left Untested. We’ll be going the Montessori route, assuming that the kids don’t hate it.
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:02 am
…and 5 clicks.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:37 am
Sigh.
This is such a tough issue, and think whichever route you choose you’re sacrificing something.
In my case, by planning to send my only child to public schools, I’m avoiding a whole lot of domestic conflict. Am I making the right choice? I don’t know. But the idealogical stuff is important to me (and crucial to my spouse) and I am still not convinced that private school would necessarily be better for my own specific child anyway.
I myself went to both public and private schools. They were both a mixed bag. My public elementary and middle school experiences were much more positive than my private elementary and middle school experiences. My private high school, however, was eons better than my public high school. So it depends on the kid, the school, and a million other factors.
Each family needs to make their own decision. I support yours. I have been grateful more than once that you support mine.
July 2nd, 2007 at 11:30 am
I do support the choices that thoughtful, concerned parents make on behalf of the well-being of their children and their families.
There is a tendency in our culture for people to polarize; when people make a choice and then justify their choice by saying that a different choice (made by someone else) is wrong. I hate that.
There are also people I know who have scads of money and walk around feeling completely entitled — can’t stand that type — and these are the folks who were unsupportive to me when I was attempting to make the decision about where to send C to Kindergarden. They would say things like “How could you even think of doing that to your daughter?!” when I mentioned that we were considering public school. Ugh.
On the other side, I encountered people who practically suggested that I was part of the problem with public schools because I was considering “withholding” my bright, white child from the public schools — along with my own efforts and energy. That by putting my effort and energy into a private co-operative school, I was robbing poor children of the benefit of my attentions. GACK!
So yeah, you won’t get any crap from me, whatever you choose! I know (TBH) will make the choice that works best in her own family, and within her own judgment. And it will be the right choice.
And you, Stacie… too, I know what you mean! Give the montessori a shot!
Anyway, there’s always the option of changing schools as you go. No matter the choice. There are a lot of options, both public and private.
Ultimately, we will likely have our girls go to public school at the high school level. That’ll give us about 4 years to save for college. Heh…
July 4th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
I figure that since the best laid plans of parents go awry I’ll have at least one kid who is a gifted athlete who “has” to go to the public school because, “Mom, that’s where the good team is.” and I’ll bite my loathing of the desks in a row lecture format and do what’s best for the child I actually have. I do feel sorry for any school admin that has to put up with me if I am not an enthusiastic lover of the school. I can be a pain, and I know what parents who ask for can get (which is a lot, for those of you aren’t teachers.)