I was tagged by Stacie to describe what a real mom does.

Real moms do lots of gross stuff. For one thing, having a baby is pretty gross in the first place. There’s that 9 month training period where you’re waiting for a baby to come out from a rather personal space… While you’re waiting for birth to happen, you get to enjoy many fringe benefits like swollen ankles, constipation, crying and eating binges, emotional upheaval, workplace discrimination… finally the day comes when your baby is going to be born and you may get to have the opportunity to poop in front of a team of doctors and nurses; puke all over the place; soak a midwife with amniotic fluid; and subject yourself to all kinds of pains and discomforts, medical procedures and more.

By the time you’re through this ordeal, you get to experience the shocking realization that you are personally responsible for the health, safety and happiness of a tiny and completely vulnerable human being.

A real mom somehow manages to cope with this fact and not run screaming from the birthing room (probably that is the real reason they hook you up to those IV lines and monitors, to keep you from escaping!)

Some real moms breastfeed, some don’t. I can only personally talk about what it’s like to be the kind of real mom who breastfed, as my life was entirely boob-dominated for about 6 years. Breastfeeding long term can bring about a huge and surprising set of contradictory feelings. That’ll be a subject for another post…

Real moms find themselves absorbed into the daily life of their children; they keep track of small toys that matter to the children. Real moms know the location of lots of bizarre things without even knowing they have this information.

“Mommy, where is MeowyChristmas?” (Did you look under the couch, by your sister’s lost sneaker… I should never have signed that contract legally binding me to memorize the names and track the daily movements of all 1,239 stuffed animals and small plastic creatures in this household).

Then there’s the sick duty… Real moms are known to reach out their hands to catch vomit in order to try to keep it from hitting the carpet or couch. Real moms have the uncanny ability to assess fevers with their lips. Real moms peer into their children’s eyes and decide whether to give some tylenol, call the doctor or head to the emergency room.

Being a real mom is pretty hardcore. Most of all, real moms love their kids. A lot.

Thanks, Stacie, for tagging me!